What is PMDD?
I wrote a definition in my intro, but I wanted to add more here on PMDD. I will list a few ‘medical’ definitions here so that you can decide if this sounds like some of the symptoms you may be living with. If you don’t, but my story interests you, of course… Please continue reading and enjoy.
In the section, personal lists of PMDD I will list a more personal account of what it is like living with PMDD.
Here we go…
A. www.URAC.org
Symptoms
The symptoms of PMDD are similar to those of PMS, but they are generally more severe and debilitating. Symptoms occur during the last week of most menstrual cycles and usually improve within a few days after the period starts.
Five or more of the following symptoms must be present:
Feeling of sadness or hopelessness, possible suicidal thoughts
Feelings of tension or anxiety
Panic attacks
Mood swings marked by periods of teariness
Persistent irritability or anger that affects other people
Disinterest in daily activities and relationships
Trouble concentrating
Fatigue or low energy
Food cravings or binge eating
Sleep disturbances
Feeling out of control
Physical symptoms, such as bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, and joint or muscle pain
B. www.APA.org
Approximately 3 to 9 percent of women experience premenstrual changes so severe they can’t keep up their daily routines. Some experts say these women suffer from premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), a condition characterized by intense emotional and physical symptoms that occur between ovulation and menstruation. In other words, PMDD is like supercharged PMS.
C. http://www.geocities.com/pmddandpms/faqs.html
The main symptoms1 of PMDD are:
· Depression:
o Persistent sad, anxious or “empty” mood
o Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
o Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
o Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
o Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
o Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
o Decreased energy, fatigue, being “slowed down”
o Thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts
o Restlessness, irritability
o Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
· Unreasonable anger and hostility
· Loss of self-control
· Denial
· Anxiety, tension and self-doubt
· Psychotic behavior (i.e. loss of contact with reality)
· Nightmares
· Distorted and confused thinking
· Withdrawal from social activities and personal relationships
· Frequent tearfulness
· Rejection sensitivity
· Labile thinking and intellectual instability, i.e. readily undergoing change or breakdown
· Severe feelings of being overwhelmed
· A physical feeling or sensation of ‘heaviness’ in the region of the solar plexus (psyche)
· Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to conventional treatment, such as: headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain, or increased sensitivity to pain2
My husband thinks I’m just lazy & mean. He doesn’t understand & is not supportive & I’ve never felt more alone in my life. How do I get through to him before we end up divorced? Please help me try to explain or find something he can read to maybe understand. Thank you & God Bless.
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admin Reply:
November 21st, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I am sincerely sorry for what you are going thru. I have been very fortunate that my husband is very supportive, and I cannot imagine how you must feel right now.
I am curious, does he see the monthly trend? Does he recognize how quickly things change from good to bad and back to good again once you start.
When you say lazy and mean I am assuming that you are having some rage issues during your 2 wk time? We do need to figure something out to work on that, whether it be going outside and walking around, taking a bath, something that can help you so that he won’t be on the defense which then puts you on the defense.
Lazy…it would help me if you could explain a little more in detail. I am assuming a lot in this response so bear with me.
PMDD is your bodies way of dealing with you being allergic to your cycle time. You can’t argue with the 1-2 wk trends each and every month. I am outright exhausted, as I am sure you are (and this is what you are speaking of), during this time. Once I start I am a bounding ball of energy.
My husband can see all of this, so like I say, there isn’t any arguing with obvious trends.
Are you taking any vitamins, getting any exercise in, even if it’s just daily walking? Some of these things will help you be able to talk to him in a way that he may be more willing to listen to.
My next question is pretty personal: Is he stating that you are lazy and mean only during your 2 wk time or is this just a general belief he has of you? Like I said before, it was a bit general so I am trying to fill in the blanks in order to help.
I really wish there was more out there for you or for him to read, can you get him to read my site? I offer info for men too.
I am 1/2 way done with my e-book on personal and factual info of living with PMDD.
Other than that, the stuff that is out there is all medical crap, in my opinion.
It’s the personal sites, along with him having an open mind and seeing your ups/downs are time related (of course to your period), but they aren’t related to outside ups/downs of things just going on in life.
Hope that made sense.
I hope that helped a bit, I really need more info and other than encouraging him to read my site, I can’t tell you of any books for men, maybe just a general book out there on PMDD.
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Michele Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I started posting a calendar listing my period days, ovulation days and PMDD days, and it has helped him to see that my symptoms directly correlate with my time of the month.
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I have every single symptom every single month and it’s just debilitating. I’m having a very hard time dealing with this and my heart goes out to all of the other families that are affected.
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I am one of the unfortunate females dealing with PMDD. At this point in time I am in the midst of the viscious circle of drugs for this diagnosis. So far, the only drug that has made an ABSOLUTE difference in the variety of moods, is Lamictal. When I was first diagnosed I was on the “roller coaster”. I would rage, cry, rage, cry etc……………. The Lamictal has ELIMINATED the raging COMPLETELY!!! Now I only contend with the weeping, sadness, emptiness,worthlessness, depression, laziness, no energy, no interest in ANYTHING, again…etc………….
One down, umpteen to go:)
PEACE, to all who suffer. I’m living it too.
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Michele Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Wow, you’re lucky Lamictal has helped your raging. It didn’t help me at all, even at a 300 mg/day dose. Effexor has helped my depression, though. Hang in there girl, keep trying.
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Being the husband of pmdd. We lose our girlfriends for 2-3 weeks per month. Do the math 2weeks x 12 x 30 yrs of marriage = 15 yrs of living with the tasmanian-she-devil. It is sad and I have had to learn to disconnect emotionallay, physically from my wife until I see that she is herself again. She is taking YAZ and it seems to work well. However, this month is bad….especially since we are going on a trip. (Trip is scheduled on the good week!)
The pmdd girl is the girl you run from when dating. Pmdd did not show up until later in my marriage. Now I’m stuck with so-and-so who is stuck with pmdd. It is very difficult not to think of divorce when there is a flare-up. For two-three weeks per month, I function as a single guy working to pay the bills of some one I don’t know, don’t care to know, don’t want to be around. It’s lonely, boring, and tiresome. I feel emotionally vulnerable to an affair. The up and downs are tiresome, but I have to disconnect from the person I love to survive the 2-3 weeks of insanity.
When pmdd flares up, I mark 28 days on my calendar. I also try to mark it on the “our” calendar letting her know that I know what’s up. I actually plan on “disconnecting” on those days….get away somehow. Lately, I have had to sit my wife down and let her know firmly, “you will not talk to me like that ever again.” I had to use the D-word to get her attention to another behavior that I am through with….I am having to threaten my wife with divorce, the girl I fell in love with when I was 17, to get her attention to this madness. If I don’t draw firm lines, I will become emotionally abused.
This is emotionally draining….training the one you love not to bite you. I have been married for 17 years, half has been with pmdd. I am looking at another 30 years with pmdd….or 15 years solid….think of that….spending 15 years with some one who hates and loathes you and it’s raging and seething inside of them. Before my wife was on YAZ, I could see her pupils constrict when under the influence of pmdd….like a rattle snake. I would avoid the kitchen when she had a knife in her hand just in case she lost all controll of herself. What I find scary, she likes to watch the TV show, “Snapped.” It’s a show about women who “snap” and kill their husbands and spend the rest of their lives behind bars. Should I leave the house now?
I believe pmdd is genetic. She had a grandma who was evil. Her dad left home at 16 yrs, “just to survive.” He had a brother who comitted suicide and the other brother was systemically unsociable. The sister lost herself to drug addiction. Pmdd definitely affects the kids if it is not under control.
I am going to suggest the hysterectomy. Why not. Our deductible has been met for this year…let’s get it done!
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Michele Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 7:19 am
Hi Dave,
You’re a good man for hanging in there, and realizing that she has an illness, and is not “just a bitch.”
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that if you could be with a woman without PMDD everything would be great. Women (and men) have all sorts of problems that make them hard to live with, and that make them emotionally unavailable. Alcoholism, bad childhoods, stressful jobs, and other illnesses or bad views on life can make women without PMDD just as bad. All women can be hard to live with, so don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire! Only you can make yourself happy. Don’t ever think “the right woman” can do that for you.
Make your life as fulfilling as possible despite the pain she causes you, and consider marriage counseling. You two have to work on your relationship whether she has PMDD or not – all couples have to.
If she’s up for a hysterectomy, then great! But who knows, it might not cure the problem or it might cause worse problems. Antidepressants might be a good thing to try, first. Or counseling. At any rate, she has to decide her own treatment course. If she is actively trying to keep informed about her illness and is doing her best to keep her symptoms controlled then that’s wonderful. If not then divorce her. But threatening divorce will not improve her symptoms!
I doubt your wife will “snap.” She probably watches that show to reassure herself that at least she’s not that bad.
I wish you both the best of luck with everything!
Michele
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RPP Reply:
January 24th, 2010 at 5:16 am
I am in the same boat with Dave. I’ve been married to my wife for 11 years and I always thought she was just evil. But maybe she has this PMDD? It’s like being married to 2 different people, a total Jykle and Hyde thing. One day kind and loving, the next thing you know, she is a monster. She shreiks and argues, and spews torrents of venom. And because she is closer to you than any other person on earth, such attacks are incredibly painful. It is the worst sort of abuse a fellow can receive. And while this is going on, the phone can ring and she’ll chat with an aquantaince as if everything in the world were normal(Jykle). Then hang up and right back at me(Hyde). Once a fit starts, there is never any talking, never any making up or apolgies, never even discussion of any type for 10 days to 2 weeks (which -better late than never- got me thinking in the menstrual direction and hence this message board.)
Then suddenly one day she is normal again and acts as if nothing happened. We haven’t had sex in many years (I can’t be intimate with someone who causes me so much pain and anquish) and I also moved into my own bedroom. I guess I have been trying to grow apart to escape. But anyway, because of this, I have no way of knowing when her cycle is. She says sometimes she is crampy, but nothing that seems out of the ordinary to me. Sleep, eating, work patterns all seem unchanged. I have never seen my wife cry in my life. Just the horrible, awful, unending anger…
We have no kids. If I left it would be finacial ruin for her and very bad for me, and divorce is a big no-no, so I stay. But I hate my life. You can’t talk to her about it either. When she is better she tries to talk me into coming into her bed (just to sleep). I never want to, but I don’t want to hurt her, so I do. But then I always pay the price. Like a smart boxer, she draws you in close in order to deliver another knock out blow.
I am in , and to be honest, I am alittle upset with some women here who post that we husbands just need to be “a little more understanding”. Good luck with that. It’s just too awful for “understanding”
Does my story resonate with anyone? Does this sound like PMDD.
Help me, please.
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admin Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 11:16 am
Hi RPP,
Thank you so much for writing in, it takes a lot to write in to look for ways to help your relationship when your wife isn’t really ‘looking’ for help.
First, I want to say that I agree with you that husbands don’t need to be ‘a little more understanding’ if their wives are being abusive. The ONLY way I would say more understanding on either side would be that if it’s obvious one is having a rough week, back off a little, don’t start piddly fights- that goes for both husband AND wife though.
Next, what you said about the mean to you and nice to friends- totally norm for PMDD and I wish I could give you a reason why. Maybe it falls into that old saying, “we hurt the one’s we love the most.” I really don’t know or if we believe know matter what our husbands should/will forgive us but theres that chance a friend won’t?
Without talking to your wife I am going more on personal thoughts and how PMDD affects me and what I have learned from speaking with other Women. The more frustrated and confused I became with my own PMDD, the angrier I became towards others. Some Women cry and feel that whole ‘woes is me feeling,’ and some just get down-right mean and angry and feel that it’s just not fair that they have to live with it when others don’t.
I wouldn’t be able to say if it sounds like PMDD until I knew if it went along with her period schedule. Even if you didn’t know her schedule you could take a calendar and put x’s where she was agitated and smileys where she was nice and see if a trend sets in.
Something else I tell all husbands that live with Women that have PMDD, and I know this upsets some Women, however I do stand behind it- 100 percent!
You cannot allow someone to abuse you just like I would tell any Woman, do not stay and get abused! She must either learn to acknowledge that something is going on, there are healthier ways to live with PMDD, and start learning to work on your relationship.
It will take a while, believe me, I know…healing takes time on both sides. Living in 2 separate rooms, living 2 different lives isn’t living. Fortunately right now you don’t have children that are seeing this, but what happens if you decide to start a family? This is not what you want them growing up and living- there are healthier ways, I promise.
Again, without knowing more of her schedule I cannot say yes or no on the PMDD thing, but really it doesn’t matter if it’s PMDD or not, regardless something needs to be done so that you can both enjoy life.
Please continue posting here, talking with other Men in the forum that know what you are going through or you can email me privately at redefininglifewpmdd@gmail.com. I hope that you can get your wife to contact our group.
Sincerely,
Stef Prose, PMDD Advocate
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I was recently diagnosed with PMDD. It first started with symptoms six months ago: no energy, sometimes I would get 8 hours of sleep and still too tired to do anything. then the heart palpitations started every month. I seen a cardiologist, he couldn’t find the problem so I got a second opinion by a women cardiologist,she said it sounds like a hormonal problem. I went to my family doctor with my symptoms. I am his first patient with this disorder. I get skipped heartbeats two weeks before my menstrual cycle and during. the heart palpitations usually go away after. My husband thinks I need medication for this because he is also frustrated with my out of control behavior. I also get flushed in the face, I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks since i was 17 now, i am 34. I feel like I am doomed with this disorder. any information on how to overcome the symptoms and words of encouragement would help!!!!
thanks,
Jennifer
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Stef , PMDD Advocate
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