Redefining Life: Life w/ PMDD

I have every single symptom every single month and it’s just debilitating. I’m having a very hard time dealing with this and my heart goes out to all of the other families that are affected.

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I am one of the unfortunate females dealing with PMDD. At this point in time I am in the midst of the viscious circle of drugs for this diagnosis. So far, the only drug that has made an ABSOLUTE difference in the variety of moods, is Lamictal. When I was first diagnosed I was on the “roller coaster”. I would rage, cry, rage, cry etc……………. The Lamictal has ELIMINATED the raging COMPLETELY!!! Now I only contend with the weeping, sadness, emptiness,worthlessness, depression, laziness, no energy, no interest in ANYTHING, again…etc………….
One down, umpteen to go:)

PEACE, to all who suffer. I’m living it too.

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Michele Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:20 pm

Wow, you’re lucky Lamictal has helped your raging. It didn’t help me at all, even at a 300 mg/day dose. Effexor has helped my depression, though. Hang in there girl, keep trying.

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Being the husband of pmdd. We lose our girlfriends for 2-3 weeks per month. Do the math 2weeks x 12 x 30 yrs of marriage = 15 yrs of living with the tasmanian-she-devil. It is sad and I have had to learn to disconnect emotionallay, physically from my wife until I see that she is herself again. She is taking YAZ and it seems to work well. However, this month is bad….especially since we are going on a trip. (Trip is scheduled on the good week!)
The pmdd girl is the girl you run from when dating. Pmdd did not show up until later in my marriage. Now I’m stuck with so-and-so who is stuck with pmdd. It is very difficult not to think of divorce when there is a flare-up. For two-three weeks per month, I function as a single guy working to pay the bills of some one I don’t know, don’t care to know, don’t want to be around. It’s lonely, boring, and tiresome. I feel emotionally vulnerable to an affair. The up and downs are tiresome, but I have to disconnect from the person I love to survive the 2-3 weeks of insanity.
When pmdd flares up, I mark 28 days on my calendar. I also try to mark it on the “our” calendar letting her know that I know what’s up. I actually plan on “disconnecting” on those days….get away somehow. Lately, I have had to sit my wife down and let her know firmly, “you will not talk to me like that ever again.” I had to use the D-word to get her attention to another behavior that I am through with….I am having to threaten my wife with divorce, the girl I fell in love with when I was 17, to get her attention to this madness. If I don’t draw firm lines, I will become emotionally abused.
This is emotionally draining….training the one you love not to bite you. I have been married for 17 years, half has been with pmdd. I am looking at another 30 years with pmdd….or 15 years solid….think of that….spending 15 years with some one who hates and loathes you and it’s raging and seething inside of them. Before my wife was on YAZ, I could see her pupils constrict when under the influence of pmdd….like a rattle snake. I would avoid the kitchen when she had a knife in her hand just in case she lost all controll of herself. What I find scary, she likes to watch the TV show, “Snapped.” It’s a show about women who “snap” and kill their husbands and spend the rest of their lives behind bars. Should I leave the house now?
I believe pmdd is genetic. She had a grandma who was evil. Her dad left home at 16 yrs, “just to survive.” He had a brother who comitted suicide and the other brother was systemically unsociable. The sister lost herself to drug addiction. Pmdd definitely affects the kids if it is not under control.
I am going to suggest the hysterectomy. Why not. Our deductible has been met for this year…let’s get it done!

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Michele Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 7:19 am

Hi Dave,
You’re a good man for hanging in there, and realizing that she has an illness, and is not “just a bitch.”
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that if you could be with a woman without PMDD everything would be great. Women (and men) have all sorts of problems that make them hard to live with, and that make them emotionally unavailable. Alcoholism, bad childhoods, stressful jobs, and other illnesses or bad views on life can make women without PMDD just as bad. All women can be hard to live with, so don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire! Only you can make yourself happy. Don’t ever think “the right woman” can do that for you.
Make your life as fulfilling as possible despite the pain she causes you, and consider marriage counseling. You two have to work on your relationship whether she has PMDD or not – all couples have to.
If she’s up for a hysterectomy, then great! But who knows, it might not cure the problem or it might cause worse problems. Antidepressants might be a good thing to try, first. Or counseling. At any rate, she has to decide her own treatment course. If she is actively trying to keep informed about her illness and is doing her best to keep her symptoms controlled then that’s wonderful. If not then divorce her. But threatening divorce will not improve her symptoms!
I doubt your wife will “snap.” She probably watches that show to reassure herself that at least she’s not that bad.
I wish you both the best of luck with everything!
Michele

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RPP Reply:
January 24th, 2010 at 5:16 am

I am in the same boat with Dave. I’ve been married to my wife for 11 years and I always thought she was just evil. But maybe she has this PMDD? It’s like being married to 2 different people, a total Jykle and Hyde thing. One day kind and loving, the next thing you know, she is a monster. She shreiks and argues, and spews torrents of venom. And because she is closer to you than any other person on earth, such attacks are incredibly painful. It is the worst sort of abuse a fellow can receive. And while this is going on, the phone can ring and she’ll chat with an aquantaince as if everything in the world were normal(Jykle). Then hang up and right back at me(Hyde). Once a fit starts, there is never any talking, never any making up or apolgies, never even discussion of any type for 10 days to 2 weeks (which -better late than never- got me thinking in the menstrual direction and hence this message board.)

Then suddenly one day she is normal again and acts as if nothing happened. We haven’t had sex in many years (I can’t be intimate with someone who causes me so much pain and anquish) and I also moved into my own bedroom. I guess I have been trying to grow apart to escape. But anyway, because of this, I have no way of knowing when her cycle is. She says sometimes she is crampy, but nothing that seems out of the ordinary to me. Sleep, eating, work patterns all seem unchanged. I have never seen my wife cry in my life. Just the horrible, awful, unending anger…

We have no kids. If I left it would be finacial ruin for her and very bad for me, and divorce is a big no-no, so I stay. But I hate my life. You can’t talk to her about it either. When she is better she tries to talk me into coming into her bed (just to sleep). I never want to, but I don’t want to hurt her, so I do. But then I always pay the price. Like a smart boxer, she draws you in close in order to deliver another knock out blow.

I am in , and to be honest, I am alittle upset with some women here who post that we husbands just need to be “a little more understanding”. Good luck with that. It’s just too awful for “understanding”

Does my story resonate with anyone? Does this sound like PMDD.

Help me, please.

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admin Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 11:16 am

Hi RPP,
Thank you so much for writing in, it takes a lot to write in to look for ways to help your relationship when your wife isn’t really ‘looking’ for help.
First, I want to say that I agree with you that husbands don’t need to be ‘a little more understanding’ if their wives are being abusive. The ONLY way I would say more understanding on either side would be that if it’s obvious one is having a rough week, back off a little, don’t start piddly fights- that goes for both husband AND wife though.

Next, what you said about the mean to you and nice to friends- totally norm for PMDD and I wish I could give you a reason why. Maybe it falls into that old saying, “we hurt the one’s we love the most.” I really don’t know or if we believe know matter what our husbands should/will forgive us but theres that chance a friend won’t?

Without talking to your wife I am going more on personal thoughts and how PMDD affects me and what I have learned from speaking with other Women. The more frustrated and confused I became with my own PMDD, the angrier I became towards others. Some Women cry and feel that whole ‘woes is me feeling,’ and some just get down-right mean and angry and feel that it’s just not fair that they have to live with it when others don’t.

I wouldn’t be able to say if it sounds like PMDD until I knew if it went along with her period schedule. Even if you didn’t know her schedule you could take a calendar and put x’s where she was agitated and smileys where she was nice and see if a trend sets in.

Something else I tell all husbands that live with Women that have PMDD, and I know this upsets some Women, however I do stand behind it- 100 percent!
You cannot allow someone to abuse you just like I would tell any Woman, do not stay and get abused! She must either learn to acknowledge that something is going on, there are healthier ways to live with PMDD, and start learning to work on your relationship.

It will take a while, believe me, I know…healing takes time on both sides. Living in 2 separate rooms, living 2 different lives isn’t living. Fortunately right now you don’t have children that are seeing this, but what happens if you decide to start a family? This is not what you want them growing up and living- there are healthier ways, I promise.

Again, without knowing more of her schedule I cannot say yes or no on the PMDD thing, but really it doesn’t matter if it’s PMDD or not, regardless something needs to be done so that you can both enjoy life.

Please continue posting here, talking with other Men in the forum that know what you are going through or you can email me privately at redefininglifewpmdd@gmail.com. I hope that you can get your wife to contact our group.

Sincerely,
Stef Prose, PMDD Advocate

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Vlad de Cuba Reply:
April 26th, 2010 at 8:28 pm

Hi Dave and RPP,

I’m so glad i went searching the web for guys who are going trough the same situation I’m goin through. It’s really really hard to have to live with someone who has pmdd.
Where I live it’s still a very unknown subject. Not even doctors talk about it. It’s like a taboo.It’s like they say: “men don’t talk.”
I realy hope you guys get my reply and that you would reply too. My native language is not english, so you’ll have to excuse my “errors” in grammar and vocabulary.
I’m not married but I’ve been with my girlfriend, with whom I have a daughter (6 yrs, for almost 14 years now.
Our relationship hasn’t been easy. But after our daughter was born we tried to live together, and that’s when I noticed that her sudden changes in behavior had e certain pattern. It wasn’t untill after I saw a commercial for Yaz like 3 years ago, that I realised that there was indeed something wrong with my partner. I went on the web to seek for more information about this PMDD. When I read the symptoms I concluded that my girlfriend had about 8 or 10 of the list that were shown. I decided one night to show my findings to her. After she read the first 5 she reacted:” close it, I don’t want to read no more. I’ve seen enough.”
Since then we’ve tried many ways to deal with this matter. Even depression pills,but things don’t always work out.Sometimes she recognizes the symptoms her self and tries very hard to control herself. on other days all hell would break loose. The worst part is when she picks on our daughter.
That hurts me the most. Sometimes we can’t avoid having a discussion infront of our 6 year old. And since she is now old enough to see and understand a certain amount of things, she immediatly tries to intervine.
Just yesterday we had a very nasty argument and it went fisical. When my daughter came in between to stop the argument she grabbed her hard by the arms. Since it was the first time she grabbed our daughter like that, I pushed her away from her child. Our daughter got very scared and ran out the bedroom screaming.After that my girlfriend locked herself up in her room. It was a very scary moment.
This is why i decided to search tonight for men who are going through the same challanges I do.
It’s very like what Dave says. When this PMDD flares up, you would have to count on losing the one you love for about 2 weeks.You’d rather be somewhere else then in the same room with her. After all these years, I’m really getting tired of it all. Maybe by writing to you guys I can get inspired again to try to go on. Who knows.

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I was recently diagnosed with PMDD. It first started with symptoms six months ago: no energy, sometimes I would get 8 hours of sleep and still too tired to do anything. then the heart palpitations started every month. I seen a cardiologist, he couldn’t find the problem so I got a second opinion by a women cardiologist,she said it sounds like a hormonal problem. I went to my family doctor with my symptoms. I am his first patient with this disorder. I get skipped heartbeats two weeks before my menstrual cycle and during. the heart palpitations usually go away after. My husband thinks I need medication for this because he is also frustrated with my out of control behavior. I also get flushed in the face, I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks since i was 17 now, i am 34. I feel like I am doomed with this disorder. any information on how to overcome the symptoms and words of encouragement would help!!!!

thanks,

Jennifer

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I have not been diagnose with PMDD or talked to a doctor yet about it but I feel that I have it. I would say it started to get bad about 2 years ago when I was 18. I moved away from home to college and everything started from there. While living in the dorms I started to notice the week or so before my period I get very irritable and angry and fight with everybody around me. I feel so bad because I have pushed many people in life away because of it. I have also noticed that I get very tired during the time, it’s so bad that I can sleep for 10 hours a night and still be extremely tired throughout the day. I also have a problem with my appetite. I can eat and eat and never feel full and its so hard for me to maintain or lose any weight when this happens. Before the symptoms kick in, I’m fine with my appetite and sleeping schedule and am very happy. It all starts about a week before my period. I have not said anything to mom and really do not know how to bring it up. Since my parents still pay for my insurance I have to make sure its okay with my them that I go to the doctor. I just get so depressed and mad a every little thing during the week or so and it’s starting to wear on me.

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PMDD is ruining my life. I know my actions when all those hormones and sadness kick in is unacceptable. I have started Zoloft and my gyno put my on Seasonique (first week on it now) to see if that helps. I also have a med to help calm me down but all of this really scares me. I am driving my man crazy, and he has a very hard time handling my “episodes” right before my period. Its not me when the PMDD kicks in, and it leaves me and my fiance very lonely. I am starting to really get down about it, I am wondering if there are better treatment options. My life is crumbling around me, Its hard to keep positive when I am making everyone around me miserable. Like i dont already feel bad enough. I just dont want this to ruin my relationship. I cant let it. I need help! No doctors seem to realize how serious this is :(

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Michele Reply:
April 10th, 2010 at 6:32 am

Hi Meg,
I’ve felt your despair. I’ve had PMDD since I was 21. It has gotten better since I’ve been on antidepressants. Zoloft works for awhile, but you will have to increase your dosage periodically to get the same effect as your body builds up tolerance. I’m on Effexor now, and it’s good, too. Find a good psychiatrist and keep experimenting until you find something that works. You are right about doctors – they are generally clueless, so keep researching PMDD yourself – this website is a good start!
I have also found lifestyle changes can help PMDD. Limit stressful activities during the last two weeks of your period – don’t travel, don’t start a major project, etc. And get extra sleep and plenty of sunlight. I have also found that jogging helps perk my brain up and keep me calmer. I’ve been taking fish oil tablets and a vitamin B complex and they seem to help as well. Like anyone with a chronic disease, you will benefit from making your body as healthy as possible.
Also, work on your mind. Try meditation or yoga. Read spiritually challenging books. Go to a counselor. And find supportive women to hand out with. Accept the lot you’ve been handed, and try to be the best person you can in spite of it. It’s frustrating and unfair to have to suffer with PMDD, but we all have our crosses to bear, and I promise you can find happiness and have a great life in spite of it.
Most of all remember – with or without PMDD, you are a fun, intelligent, beautiful woman who would make a fantastic partner for any man!! Don’t you forget it, and don’t let your fiance forget it. Your PMDD is small potatoes in the big scheme of a relationship, and if your fiance is too squeamish to deal with that, then how’s he going to deal with even bigger problems, like the loss of a job, or a child with autism, or erectile dysfunction, or his mom dying of cancer, etc. etc…you get my drift? You want a man who is strong and will love you even during difficult times – and you need to find out NOW if your fiance is this type of guy before you waste anymore time with him.
I hope this helps, Meg. It WILL get better. You go girl!!

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In the last couple years, I’ve realized that my wife’s fights usually initiate at that time of month, right when she feels period symptoms setting in.

I didn’t realize it was PMDD. I thought maybe she was bi-polar. And on the TV drug ads, they either do a horrible job explaining it, or I didn’t know how to interpret it. But the differentiation is obvious. It’s not mild irration and additional nagging. Maybe if they pointed out the raw examples of what happens due to PMDD, it’d be clearer.

PMDD is like full blown war over something small, even if my wife mis-understands me and turns a word into a commentary on her appearance when I am not even on that wavelength, or she feels like I’m not listening because my mind is focused one way and she says something without saying my name first. Then it’s World War 3.

It’s so hard, because it easily ruins special days, events, or planning for future “us” time or dates. It can be so bad on the kids, and they always ask me if we are divorcing when these fights happen. And with a week totally destroyed out of most every month, it has significant impact on work efficiency.

Honestly, I’m very subdued. I’m tactful. But I stand up for myself. I’ll go from calm, discussing, raised voice, to yelling back, if the “discussion” totally excludes me. And once verbal attacks seep into the “discussion”, I realize there’s nothing to do but to step out of the fight and wait for things to settle down, hopefully to talk again later or to let it go by.

And of course, I’m at fault, and continue to be the one at fault. And that makes me at fault 25% of my waking days for items that usually do not deserve anything but a reminder, or “hey”, you didn’t hear me. It’s my fault she’s a monster during these PMDD episodes. Then it’s still worth pointing out it’s my fault for a week later, even though I may apologize originally after making a mistake. And it’s much much worse if I explain my position when I’m not the instigator of the fight and I didn’t make any mistakes or wrongdoings. That makes her always at fault and me having to always be right. Can’t I be wrong for the things I screw up, and just those, not everything else? And can’t simple silly things just be that, and not require fights? Not with PMDD.

Normal social interactions and rules just go out the window for your wife, and it’s such a balancing act to stand up for yourself, to protect the kids, and to try and protect and understand the feelings of the one you love.

PMDD is so evil. My wife isn’t. On normal days, she’s thoughtful, caring, sometimes stubborn, impatient and easily angered still, but she’s my best friend and the person I want to be with forever. Even when we fight, that is still true, but nothing hurts more than that person digging into you with verbal knives repeatedly for as much as a week, tossing out divorce threats, cheating threats, saying how much she hates you. And all because you don’t hear a comment while pre-disposed in something else, or because you make a mistake in cooking, or you forget to put something away. Things that she could reconcile via a small chastising remark, or even something that we could laugh about (like, “yeah, that was dumb of me to spill a drop the pickle on the floor, sorry, haha”), will become major relationship draining issues and make me feel like my wife’s worst enemy.

I’ve pointed it out with my wife before, but I’ve considered it PMS and “that time of the month”. Even so, she doesn’t take it seriously, or probably I’ve made the mistake of saying it during the bad week. I will have to bring this up during the good week. And though I hate the thought of it, I’m going to start calendaring the days like you others here, and be much more cautious and possibly less interactive (though completely tuned in and listening) during the bad week. Anything can be fuel for a fight, it’s like I have to be lonely for a week and just do what I can to support her, even if she doesn’t understand.

Thanks Dave, RPP for your posts from a guy’s angle.

For the women here having this, I’m sorry for what you go through, and for the unintentional pain that it inflicts on your loved ones. I do think it’s important to find ways to minimize its effects, and if you can be humble about the fights later on once things calm down, that’d go a long way to help. It’s painful to have stubbornness remain from my wife, still insisting and convinced what a devil I was to her during the bad week and how I should find some way to make it up.

Meg, when you say PMDD is ruining your life, I often feel the same way. And it’s odd/funny, as we’re on the opposite sites of the anger. Thank goodness I have a strong self-confidence and ability to forgive (not always forget). But I feel for you and wish you the best. I can imagine my wife feels the same way sometimes, and I hope I can help our situation somehow.

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Michele Reply:
April 10th, 2010 at 7:46 am

Hi Enrique,
Thanks for sharing your story. You are obviously a strong, caring, sensitive, intelligent man, and your wife is lucky to have you.
We PMDD sufferers are so touchy during the last week, and often during the last TWO weeks! And if you bring it to our attention at the time, watch out! If you can imagine not sleeping for days, then being locked in a room with 50 screaming children and forced to solve an algebra equation before the buzzer rings in 10 minutes or else you’ll lose your job and you’re starving because you haven’t eaten all day…that’s how it feels when you have PMDD! The best thing that you and your children can do is try to understand that, and not take it personally, which you are doing – so kudos to you!
However, having PMDD is no excuse for bad behavior, and your wife needs to change her lifestyle and coping mechanisms to minimize the negative effects her mood has on her relationship with you and the kids. If your wife doesn’t think she has PMDD, or if she doesn’t realize how badly her PMDD changes her mood during the bad weeks, then you need to discuss is with her during the good weeks, like you suggested. But be prepared for her not to believe you – it’s difficult for us PMDD sufferers to understand how differently we behave during the bad times, unless we write down our feelings in a journal and see how our emotions change with our cycle.
It is imperative that your wife take responsibility for her PMDD and quit blaming you on things that aren’t your fault. It’s a tough situation, however, because when you’re around a person with a mood disorder for long, you tend to get irritable too, and it takes a lot of composure not to stoop to their level and let mean behavior slip yourself. So when she is mad at you a week later for something you did or said while she was “PMDDing,” she really may have a legitimate gripe – even though it was her PMDD that caused you to snap, you should had been a bigger person and been nicer to her. A very tall order, I know!! But try resisting the urge to blame her and just apologize for your actions. It may just cause her to want to apologize for her actions, too, and open the door for productive dialogue.
Your wife can get better, but she needs to own up to her PMDD and get help. Antidepressants work best, but she also needs to live a healthy lifestyle (plenty of sleep and sunshine, exercise, eat right, avoid stress) and work on her thinking processes (yoga/meditation, reading spiritually books, counseling).
In the meantime you need some support, Enrique! Counseling might help you, and knowledge helps, too – keep researching PMDD and sharing on websites like this. Have Faith – PMDD is manageable, and with help your wife will become happier and therefore you and your family will, too. But also have Acceptance – realize that things will never be “perfect” in your marriage with her, and let go of any dreams of a “perfect” marriage – there ain’t no such thing even in the best of circumstances, buddy! And be thankful for the things and times that are good, and thankful that it’s not worse.
Hope that helps, Enrique – hang in there, and keep up the great work!

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Douglas Reply:
May 2nd, 2010 at 9:51 am

I believe that my wife suffers from pmdd. I can’t even begin to explain how complex our marriage problems are and the guilt that I carry for not understanding what we’ve actually been dealing with. Unfortunately, the worst case scenario has almost played out…

I have known for years that we have two marriages…one during pmdd that is devestating and the other is happy and productive (although not without “normal” marital issues).
Like the other posts here, I go from the best husband in the world to taking the wrath for 15 years everything i’ve ever done to wrong her…the anger she has towards me is devestating.

To complicate things, we’ve been dealing with a misdiagnosis for the last 8 years and she has been treated (mistakenly!!!) with bipolar disorder. I have carried the extra load (meals, dishes, laundry…kids) when she is overwhelmed and unable…which has been often. I have educated myself on bipolar and tried to manage our situation as such…until our most recent crisis ended with her in the hospital and a subsequent diagnosis of “NOT” bipolar, but anxiety disorder.

We have been through hell and back, barking up the wrong tree with heavy duty meds and psychotherapy to treat the phantom bipolar(lithium, etc). Ultimately our situation reached crisis (long over due) when my wife was taking up to 10mg of xanex per day over the last year and ultimately had an affair…you can imagine how devestating that has been after I have been the caretaker for the majority of our marriage. I was going to leave her…but we have two young children and I can’t bear the thought of putting them through that. Plus, I feel guilty that I pushed her into being a benzodiazopine addict and pushed her into seeking out another relationship because I emotionally disconnected…I couldn’t take hearing how bad of a husband i was anymore.

I’m not perfect. But I am a good person. Between the misdiagnosis and the PMDD…I, like Dave and others, forced myself to disconnect emotionally during PMDD. The result was that my wife grew angrier and more resentful towards me because she felt I was not validating her feelings and opionions. In a very heated discussion when she was especially angry she asked me, “do you think everything is my fault?”…my response I will regret for the rest of my life, but was truly how I felt, “Yes”. I know I am not perfect and haven’t handled things perfectly. My needs have been on the back burner for so long that I cannot help but feel some resentment…for not being appreciated, for not getting to be the one with needs, for her hating me two weeks a month while I take care of everything else in our life.

Can you believe we are still together? We are both getting help. We are trying everyday, 5 minutes at a time, to save our marriage…we love each other, but it hurts. Our kids are wonderful, in spite of us, and we have somehow managed to shelter them from the shit-storm that has been our marriage for the last year or two or eight.

We want so badly to fix things and get better…but, it’s that time of month again. She is so angry and resentful…and I guess, so am I. Two weeks of good hard work and loving relationship get blown away in a matter of days and we are back to square one.

I don’t know what to do, but somehow this is up to me to solve if our family is to survive. She won’t exercise and gets furious if i even mention that. We both know it would help immensely. She can never get enough sleep and it’s always my fault she doesn’t.

…and I need to get over the fact that 1) she had an affair and 2) My needs are an afterthought at best and she resents me half of the time.

Do we even have a chance? Hard to see it today. But it’s that time of month.

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Hello, all

My wife has PMDD and will soon have a HYST/OOVO to remove the horrible monster that is causing this, I hope.

I write this in tears. I can handle all of the moods and depression and hatred, But she has developed something else during the last few months. I sympathize with the previous post.

She started flirting HEAVY with her coworkers to the point that she is getting serious propositions. Until now she has had no real interest but the guys are getting persistent and a few better looking.
She is also starting to continue these conversations at home.

I have confronted her about this and said that encouraging the caressing and licking of her body parts has crossed a line, but she says it means nothing and they all do it. Unfortunately they all do.

She does not care how I feel and I am about 80% sure she is going to cheat on me before we can get through this.

I have put countless hours in research and have been verbally abused and threatened for months over this. I will not stand being made fool of or being cheated on. I feel like the last 12 years of my life have been taken and thrown away, and she acts like it does not matter.

I’m at my breaking point, and I fear for my son.

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admin Reply:
May 6th, 2010 at 8:27 am

Hi fruitbat,

I am sorry you are going through all of this, PMDD is a family disorder- it affects everyone.
It saddens me how many Women and their families go through this.

With that said, your wife flirting and discussing subjects you mentioned above have nothing to do with PMDD. Yes, she may have low self-esteem which stems a lot from living with PMDD for so long, however, flirting is not part of PMDD.

Surgery will not alleviate flirting is what I am trying to say, so if she is feeling or saying that all will be well after surgery- that is an incorrect statement. The two of you need to get your relationship to a place that you are both comfortable in order to see the changes after surgery.

I have said before that my hysterectomy alleviated my PMDD, but anything else beyond that is the same. Relationships get easier because you don’t have this monster within you, but crossing boundaries, etc… aren’t going to miraculously disappear.

If this is going on in the workplace it sounds as though a new job is in order, or at least something said to the higher ups. This type of behavior is not okay.

Again, this is not part of PMDD, but just a behavior by a Woman, your wife.

I hope that you can find a way to ‘fix’ your marriage and that you and your son won’t have to try and ‘deal’ with something once ‘it’ happens.

Please let us know if you need any more advice on PMDD, we are here to help.

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