where i am finding myself after all of this illness & after illness business

Last week I went to the DMV to get new tags because MY BIRTHDAY IS  JUNE 2nd :0) As I stood behind my car, trying to get the JUNE sticker onto the plate, I noticed the woman beside me doing the same. And just before I thought, She’s having a birthday soon, she turned to me and said Happy Birthday! I wished her a happy birthday too with one of my big goofy crooked smiles.

I crave moments like that, when strangers reach out to me and suddenly I feel more connected to the world. I love spontaneous moments of kindness. I also like to have a birthday week versus a birthDAY, so it was a good start to my kind of celebrating.

There is so much that has happened, that has come before my 36th year. I am so grateful that I have survived it all and learned from it. My birthday wish for myself is that my 36th year is about living the life I’ve been imagining instead of spending so much time, well, imagining… and to live it with grace, even when grace for me might look a little disheveled and lumpy sometimes (for example, you may be thinking Jennifer sounds so positive when really I was crying earlier because I didn’t feel positive at all). I guess I’m trying to say I am done waiting for the perfect moment and for the perfect me. My perfect moment and the perfect me is now. It always has been. I just didn’t recognize it.