Separate Men & Women Forum now set up

Hey everyone!

Okay as you just read the forums are now separate. Ladies, you stay at the one we have been using and Men, you now have your very own. Check it out at: Men and PMDD forum (menandpmdd.ning.com)

I hope this works out for everyone.

Stef

Anonymous Polls: Please Participate

Hi everyone!

I know it’s still very difficult for a lot of you to post openly, so I think to get the best (and most) of this question, I am going to use polls for a few things.

Please, Please…participate.  The polls are anonymous, please do me a favor and only vote once in each poll so that I can get an accurate count.

If you do wish to comment in more detail, please feel free to comment here, it is definitely still wanted and very helpful if you have ideas or thoughts to add to it.

I did want to add that I am still here, checking emails constantly, replying constantly (a lot of emails come privately because PMDD still has such a stigma), and I am asking for info in polls because I am working diligently on things for Men (which I have been promising for a while now, I know), and am looking into the possibility of making my dreams come true with the help of a couple other Women: starting PMDD retreats.  I thought this would be something that had to wait for years to come, but it may not.

So, I am really busy still working on PMDD, I promise. :)  Your answers help speed things along, I go off of your answers and answers I receive via emails and other forums and places I have to search.

Thanks guys for hanging in here and participating to make everyone with PMDD happier and healthier!

POLL #1: May choose 2 answers:

POLL #2: May choose all that apply:

POLL #3: May choose 4 answers:

Men’s Interview~ Not ready yet

I just wanted to update everyone.
I have not completed the questionnaire for the Men yet. I am working with my husband on this one so it’s taking me a bit more time, grabbing time from him too. :)

I will send it out as soon as it’s done.

Thanks again everyone!

Stef

Email from a husband

I received another email from a husband.  First, I am so excited as to how many men I receive emails and posts from- it really shows me how involved husbands, friends and boyfriends are becoming in trying to help their wives feel better.

So many men are trying to find ways to approach their spouses, support them and just learn…it really is awesome.

He explained to me that his wife probably won’t be very open to him bringing up PMDD, he has been researching and really has high hopes that she would talk to a doctor.  How can he bring it up to her?

This is a question I have tried to tackle before here and I just wanted to add to it.  I wanted to share what I told him in hopes that maybe I said something that will help any other Husbands, Dads, boyfriends out there.

First, always approach with caution!  LOL, no- I’m just kidding.  See, we still do have our sense of humor, sometimes it’s just hidden. :)

OK, for real now!

First, begin your talk when she isn’t in her tough 1-2 wks, depending on which she has

Second, write down my website on a scratch sheet of paper, place it where you know she will see it, but don’t make it obvious.  This allows her to take a peek on her own time.

Third, don’t say, “I have been talking with someone who has PMDD, and I think you may have it.”  This may make her feel as though you have been talking about her, even though you really had her best interest at heart.

Fourth, during her good week, ask her if there is anything that you can do to help during the times of the month that she seems most exhausted.  You can do this for a couple of months in hopes that she will start to see a pattern.

Fifth, bring up PMDD, but not medications during her good week.  You can start with, “I have noticed that certain times of each month you seem more exhausted, I know that it must be difficult, from what I understand PMS can be painful.  It must get annyoing to deal with it each and every month.”

This will allow her to open her eyes to the fact that you don’t think PMS/PMDD is a joke.  You do understand that there really are major symptoms that she is going thru and it may allow her the time to open up and maybe break down a bit.

As always, I also gave him a run down of what all PMDD makes you feel like each month.  How debilitating and annoying it can be, especially for someone that is in denial.

If any of you have anything else that has worked, or ways that you wouldn’t mind be approached, please post them here.  I have a lot of readers that would love more options and ideas.

Stef

Okay guys, some info for you

After searching and searching I have decided that I lost the posts I started for guys living or dating Women with PMDD.

So, here goes a new one.

First, let me praise you. I know my Husband should be praised, he has lived with me for so many years and we have learned some tricks that make the rough times less chaotic and work.

I know it’s a tough thing to live with, especially when you know something is going to happen every single month. If the two of you work on it together you can make a plan and stick to it as to what you can and cannot discuss or do during the 2 wk time.

Many of you have emailed me asking what you can do when ‘she’ won’t admit or acknowledge that she has PMDD or any other problems going on. That will have to be a whole other post. I have posted back to many of you, but will write a more permanent post soon.

Okay, back to the post at hand…

You cannot allow your Wife/Partner to abuse you emotionally or physically, just because she has PMDD. There is not a reason in the world I can come up with when this should be allowed and PMDD is no different. If this is happening, you must set boundaries. If she won’t admit to having PMDD then you can still set boundaries as to how you will and won’t be treated, regardless.

If you have children, you don’t want them to grow up thinking this is okay behavior. The cycle then continues, and yes it is that serious.

Next, don’t throw PMDD in your partners face. Don’t make her feel as though just because she is in a bad mood it is PMDD related. We can have bad moods just like everyone else, even during 2 wk PMDD times, without it being PMDD related.

Don’t contribute to the problem. By no means walk around on egg shells. That is no way for anyone to live, and I wouldn’t ever expect anyone to live that way. Most of you know what I mean by  not contributing, but here are a few examples…

Situation 1:
You have children
Your wife is in her 2 wk time and is exhausted and can’t wait for you to get home from work and give her a bit of a break
You call and inform her you are going out with the guys and will be home late
She’s left to do baths, dinner, clean up, homework, bedtime, and deal with any arguments alone for the night
HMMMM… what do you really think it will be like when you get home?

Situation 2:
You say you are going out with the guys and you come back drunk, you pretty much know what will happen when you get home, especially if it’s the weekend and that means you won’t be worth a damn the next morning leaving her alone to run interference while she’s exhausted and moody.

Situation 3:
You decide that during her 2 wk time it would be a great time to discuss everything she has done to hurt you over the years because of PMDD. You decide to discuss PMDD and have decided that she has IT. Actually, you decide to discuss anything that requires her to take a closer look at herself.

Just wait! Save yourself, Trust Me.

Situation 4:
Planning engagements that she will have to host, plan, clean up after, etc…
I understand some plans have certain dates that are MUSTS, but you don’t have to decide to invite your boss over for dinner during her 2 wk time when she feels as though the house needs to be top-notch, the food perfect and she needs to look and behave her best.

During our 2 wk time it doesn’t matter what we put on, we hate it and we hate how it looks and feels on us. So, unless your boss is the boss of a junkyard and doesn’t mind her being in sweats, food ordered in and the house a bit untidy…give her a break and plan accordingly. Ask her the best date first.

I know this can sound like a hassle, but really most of it is just part of growing up. I don’t know the ages of everyone reading here, and if you are younger it’s going to take more work because some of these situations may arise more often.

Just be courteous to one another.

Stay tuned for fun things to do together to make it work, even when things get tough.