Holding up without meds
May 27, 2009 by admin
Filed under Stefanie's Journey
I wanted to share with all of you how things are going with me. My hope is that my updates, my journey, will help you when you are trying new things, or struggling with your PMDD too.
First, I should say I am very fortunate because I have had PMDD for so long, I knew what it was going to be like when I got off of meds. This has allowed me to stay somewhat sane, I have prepared myself as much as possible. I know what I MUST do when I feel overwhelmed and I am trying to stick to it.
When I feel the angry thoughts in my head, I take myself upstairs to my room, shut the door and watch TV or research on the computer. This allows my thoughts to dwindle without me going extreme to my husband and children.
When I am feeling exhausted, which is daily right now, I don’t drive myself crazy because the house isn’t spotless. If I worry about the house too much it will turn into one of my over-the-top, everything has a place and get it there phases. That is one of the things I hated most about myself without my meds. I felt as though everything should be picked up, put away and do it right now, not later. It’s like I could completely overwhelm myself with it and make everyone miserable in the process.
Sadly, now that I have been on the meds, I can see what it did. Basically, my husband who has always been the most laid back person I have ever known became louder and knit picky. He didn’t want me to be annoyed with everything, and he didn’t want me coming down on him so he started jumping the kids about the house. It’s like before I could start in, he would be getting them to run around cleaning up.
Guess who caused this? Yep, me!
Once I started my meds I had to talk with him about not being so picky. It was my doing that caused it, but I knew it wasn’t good for anyone. He wasn’t like this from the beginningand thankfully not anymore either, he wouldn’t have been happy like that- it’s not his nature.
So, right now while I am off the meds, I am biting my tongue a lot. :) I don’t want to go backwards after our hard work moving forward.
My crying has been more intense without the meds. I am hiding out when this happens so that my kids don’t see and worry. My husband is doing so great taking care of them when I do into check out mode.
I am doing pretty good replying to all emails, blog and forum posts, but if anything sounds loopy I blame it on the PMDD, LOL!
The family is hanging in there, but I feel like I am sitting on the outside a lot. I don’t feel up to going swimming, visiting, jumping on the trampoline, or just even petting the dog. These are all the reasons taking meds works for me.
I am not going to take anything though, I went this far to get my body free from all of them and now I go in on Thursday. I have my review of everything the doc and I have discussed and I will be scheduling my hysterectomy appt.
My scheduling and final decision on a hysterectomy will have to wait for another post.
It’s very difficult for me to stay focused, I couldn’t even tell you how long ago I started writing this post and I have been sitting in one place so it’s not like I have had disruptions.
Anyway, just wanted to update openly.
Stef
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Thank you for sharing this Stef. It was good for me to go off the YAZ before surgery. It helped me see how much I needed it (YAZ made me PMDD free when it was working, so that made it easier to forget how bad it was sometimes). Having all of the symptoms there right before surgery seemed to help me and my husband feel better about my decision to go ahead with the hysterectomy.
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Stef,
Can i ask you a question. if the medication was working for you…. why did you decide to go off it?
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admin Reply:
May 28th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Hey Josh,
The meds help me control my rage and tear fest, but they don’t take away the PMDD, I still go thru it each month. For me this is still not the quality of life I want, though I am blessed it has kept me from from harming my family with my mouth. I have been going back/forth to the doctors to discuss a hysterectomy. My pain and PMDD are really just too much and at this point the meds are losing effect. I went off the meds so that I could see where my body was actually and not where it was with meds. Like Jennifer said above, finalizing the decision, this was a plus. I have tried every med and I didn’t want to up my dosage again.
I have 4 kids, my husband had a vasectomy, my pain is getting worse… I’m just done.
Hope that answers your question. If I wasn’t going to have the surgery I most definitely NOT have stopped the meds. Now while waiting for my surgery date I am having to deal with all my PMDD symptoms, med-free and it is taking a lot of effort. This is just the first month, but my date isn’t until the mid of July- it’s a struggle holding back all those icky attitudes I used to have and hate with a passion.
Stef
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