More personal, part II
Last story we talked about emotional w/ tears and rage. I think the next thing to talk about would be feeling worthless.
Normally I know that I am a good mother and wife. I know that my number one goal in life is to be a good mom, so I feel as though I am in tune with that, and do it well.
WELLLLLLLLLLLLL… PMDD hits and you feel as though you are terrible all the way around. You feel as though you haven’t been good to your kids, you can’t be good to them and that you basically just have failed at everything thus far in life.
Seratonin drops so low that life just really seems like too difficult.
I haven’t hit so low that suicide has crossed my mind, however, sadly enough, it has to a lot of women that live with PMDD. Some have even succeeded.
In my mind I can tell myself that I am a good person, good mom, but then that ‘voice’ in the back of my head still lets the other thoughts cross through. I don’t mean voices as in schizophrenia.
Once my cycle starts, I can believe that I am a good person.
Of course, all of these monthly roller coaster feelings/thoughts/emotions become so exhausting. Month in and month out, you know it’s going to happen and really there isn’t anything you can do about it. You can work on yourself to learn more and do more to ‘help’ but it’s not a sickness you can pop a pill for and it’s gone.
This leads me to exhaustion. Feeling like crap for 2 weeks out of every month would make even the most exercised, vitamin taking, fun loving, non-sleep deprived individual feel exhausted.
Even worse, after feeling so cruddy for 2 wks, you usually feel guilty for the other time left in the month because you have either treated someone poorly, been too tired to do anything fun with your family, or you have cried off and on so much you have people worried about you.
It’s is one of those catch 22 situations. I hope that some of the things I list shortly will help you cope with some of the ‘tough’ times and allow you to enjoy your 2 wks ‘free’ with a little less stress.
You are NOT alone! There are so many of us out here that go through the same thing you go through. If not you, then maybe someone you know.
Life w/ PMDD
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I just wanted you to update you on how I am doing. After trying several different things I finally found what works for me. I take Zoloft and Birth Control. I haven’t felt this good in so long. I can’t remember how long its been since I’ve been happy all month long. It feels good knowing that the smallest thing isn’t going to set me off. I’ve started dating again… My life has just totally changed since I got help for my PMDD.
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Anissa,
I am SO excited to hear your great news!
It is an awesome feeling when you find what ‘works’ and it sounds like you have.
Congratulations on dating again, I know that is one thing that can be super difficult when you have PMDD.
Don’t forget to keep up the exercising and good eating habits too, it’s a must, no matter how good you feel with the medication. :)
Keep us posted!
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Thank you for your blog. I just had a bad outburst with my daughter today. I blew up at her in a rage and now I feel terrible about it. I apologized to her, but it’s just not enough. I hate feeling like I am a good mom for 3 weeks of the month, and then I act like a horrible mom for the last week before my period.
My doctor has me on Paxil. I’ve been taking a 1/2 pill, but after my outburst today I think I need to go back to the full pill. I just don’t think the 1/2 pill is helping enough. The bad news is that if I go back on the whole pill then my side effects will be worse and I’ll be a zombie for a week instead of a raging luncatic. I just feel like I can’t win with this. I can’t normal ever again.
Thanks for your blog. It helps to hear someone else is going through the same kind of stuff every month. I wish they would find something that would work and cure us. The Paxil is only a temporary bandaide.
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Paxil can work wonders. I miss it. after my sister died and I lost custody of my kids (because I am weak) I went to a nice plce where they gave me my meds and I got a break from my life. Unfortuantly the docs said I had “A major Depressive episode” and I only recived tx for a year. Well I got back to my “normal” and proceeded to *&%$ up my life. Now I have some semblence of self esteem and realize I have this P.D. known as PMDD. I was put on Efexxor SR by a well meaning internest (DO NOT take Efexxor if you ever want a glass of wine!)I got off of that but What a mess my life is. But at least I still look good! I begged for Paxil when they had me on Zoloft.Prozac…ect. I am scared to death of Anti-Depressant’s and am white-knuckling it. I did’t hurt anyone physically this month. Thank God but The emotional damage is so hard to ignore (for everyone else)cuz I feel fine after twoo days into my cycle… that I would really like a hysterectomy! I failed to see the traveling and lack of sleep this week and strange black hairs on my chin was a sign of one real bad night… and made my husband stay at his office for fear of me making good on my threats to finally do him, my x and anyone else in my path away with. I am thank full for a good freind and the fact that I am so damn nice for 27days a month finally did me some good that I can’t even tell you. I always am saying sorry and playing catch up. I get sick of It. Sorry to unload but I am banned from drinking wine for the next 3 weeks! I hope some one can help me find a good OB-GYN in H.B. Ca. or pray for my menopause soon! Thanks Carol
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I am just now starting to research this and am awestruck by all the stories and how it “just fits”. It all makes sense now. I literally thought and I guess still do at times, like Im going crazy, like my life will never be my own. I am already and have been for some years now, on Effexor XR 225mg and I can tell you it makes NO difference during those 2 weeks where my life feels like it is spiraling out of control. I plan on calling my Dr. this coming week to discuss other options in addition to the effexor but I hate the trial and error with medications. I have a daughter to care for, a husband to attempt to spend time with, I am a student and just have many commitments in general..
PMDD just SUCKS!!! as if we women do not have enough to deal with in life, we get shafted on this too.. Geeze
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Stef , PMDD Advocate
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