Email from a husband
I received another email from a husband. First, I am so excited as to how many men I receive emails and posts from- it really shows me how involved husbands, friends and boyfriends are becoming in trying to help their wives feel better.
So many men are trying to find ways to approach their spouses, support them and just learn…it really is awesome.
He explained to me that his wife probably won’t be very open to him bringing up PMDD, he has been researching and really has high hopes that she would talk to a doctor. How can he bring it up to her?
This is a question I have tried to tackle before here and I just wanted to add to it. I wanted to share what I told him in hopes that maybe I said something that will help any other Husbands, Dads, boyfriends out there.
First, always approach with caution! LOL, no- I’m just kidding. See, we still do have our sense of humor, sometimes it’s just hidden. :)
OK, for real now!
First, begin your talk when she isn’t in her tough 1-2 wks, depending on which she has
Second, write down my website on a scratch sheet of paper, place it where you know she will see it, but don’t make it obvious. This allows her to take a peek on her own time.
Third, don’t say, “I have been talking with someone who has PMDD, and I think you may have it.” This may make her feel as though you have been talking about her, even though you really had her best interest at heart.
Fourth, during her good week, ask her if there is anything that you can do to help during the times of the month that she seems most exhausted. You can do this for a couple of months in hopes that she will start to see a pattern.
Fifth, bring up PMDD, but not medications during her good week. You can start with, “I have noticed that certain times of each month you seem more exhausted, I know that it must be difficult, from what I understand PMS can be painful. It must get annyoing to deal with it each and every month.”
This will allow her to open her eyes to the fact that you don’t think PMS/PMDD is a joke. You do understand that there really are major symptoms that she is going thru and it may allow her the time to open up and maybe break down a bit.
As always, I also gave him a run down of what all PMDD makes you feel like each month. How debilitating and annoying it can be, especially for someone that is in denial.
If any of you have anything else that has worked, or ways that you wouldn’t mind be approached, please post them here. I have a lot of readers that would love more options and ideas.
Stef
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Filed Under: PMDD & Men
Comments (4)
Ben
May 14th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Hi Stef
Firstly, I love my partner more than anything. She means the world to me!!
Scondly, I’m typing this at nearly midnight! In despair! I’ve just spent the last 10 days getting mad with partner because she won’t let me touch her, cuddle her or treat me with any respect. Guess what? It made things a hell of a lot worse!
She gets crazy for 2 weeks just before her cycle every month. We thought it was bad PMT but we now agree it is PMDD. Your website has really helped. I have seen plenty of advice for men living with PMDD partners that I need to start trying immediately. I have been taking all of her irrational nasty comments so personally for a year now. It is only our genuine love for each other, the really great times in between and the fact that we both just know she is nowhere near herself during PMDD time that have kept us together during the hell of PMDD fortnight!
It seems overall that there is no medication that will just solve things…..that’s rather depressing! I was hoping a prognosis would lead to a ‘cure’. I look forward to hearing more men’s views on dealing with PMDD……I am failing badly at the moment but desperate and determined to succeed!
When my patner went to the docs I suggested I went too. My partner decided to go it alone, but when she told the female doc the doc said, ‘Why on earth would he want to come – is he some control freak?’ So, my partner thinks I shouldnt go with her but I am desperate for her to hear that it is tough on me too.
Thanks again for your vital work
Ben (England, UK)
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dave Reply:
September 26th, 2009 at 2:56 am
you have been called a control freak…is that all? Learn to disconnect to survive my brother. For two weeks you are being loathed and vilified…anything you say will be used against you. You have to put together your, “no cuddling calendar.”
Welcome to the carnival!
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dave
September 26th, 2009 at 3:07 am
Stef, I believe I used your website to help my wife discover her pmdd. I was aware of it 1-2 years before her. I would leave your website up on the computer when I left the house. Curiosity got the cat….she discovered pmdd herself via my research on the web especially your site…thank God! She tried natural hormone therapy, which after 2 years of adjusting the forumla just was not strong enough. YAZ has been our savior formula. The YAZ package helps schedule 4 “worst” days on “our” calendar. I try to give her a break on those days, ie., take the kids to school so she can stay asleep in bed, etc. I also avoid talking to her….disconnect from the relationship…I now have a patient on my hands and I’m the care-giver.
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dave
September 26th, 2009 at 3:46 am
Warning to all “emotional guys.”
You can forget about cuddling up to your tasmanian-she-devil for two weeks each month. If you are smart….mark your calendar….28 days to the second when she does not want you to touch her. If fact she would prefer you a dead decomposing corpse. Contradictory to all the marriage books out there, affection is the last thing she wants from you. In fact, she would like to give you some one-on-one sharp finger nailed blood spattered training in the octagon. What’s great is watching their pupils constrict like a rattle snake ready to strike. Funny, it’s all hormones, but it acts like something that crawled out of the depths of hell itself.
Word to the wise:
Don’t listen when they are talking: They will say things, unmentionable things, that will pierce your ever-loving soul tempting you to drive your car off the overpass for the big end all. An I-Pod works great for these moments…drowning out whatever filth she is spewing, as if hell was venting itself. You will need some quick escape techniques such as: “I left my cell phone at the store, got to go!” or, “Let’s table this discussion when I have more time to “”really”" listen to you, luv you bye!”
But, not to worry. Sister girl will be back to herself in two-three weeks depending on how much chocolate she has munched. I have heard that chocolate soymilk is a cure-all including cramps. (My wife refused to try it. She prefers chronic pain. Lovers of chronic pain is another symptom of pmdd.) Fresh & Easy sells a 1 lb. chocolate bar with almonds for around $3.50. They also stock Chocolate Soymilk for about $1.50/ltr. Find a way to introduce these yummie snacks into her diet while she’s biting your head off and you might find a non-drug cure.
Also, that nice bunch of flowers for around $10 at Costco works well on those calendar days. But don’t leave a note. Warning: Do not give a pmdd girl flowers directly. You put them in a vase with water on the dining room table. She will be momentarily distracted by their colors, giving you a chance to duck out. It’s a diversion plan. But don’t be suprized later if they are tossed against the wall and trampled on the floor. For $10 you dodged the bullet. Better the flowers than your sagging sense of self worth.
Anyhow, hope this helps…welcome to the carnival!
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